What is a gentleman? I tried searching for this in the internet and the results are outstanding.
- How to be a gentleman: 28 steps with pictures
- How to be a gentle from head to toe
- 20 things that make man a gentleman
- How to be a gentleman revised & Updated
Why is it outstanding? It’s just funny to realize that we need to educate ourselves how to be a gentleman because society has embrace a different view on how men should act towards women.
This message is specifically geared to men but there is also something to be learned for women. Most especially what you should look for in a man.
In today’s society, women are viewed, presented, talked about, and sung about like a commodity. One famous boxer said:
When it comes to females … even though you can’t drive 10 cars at one time, but … you got people that got 10 cars. So, you’re able to keep maintenance up on 10 cars. So, I feel that, as far as when it comes to females, that same thing should apply. If you’re able to take care of 20, then you should have 20.
That statement is just so twisted and far from the truth. If we would look at the biblical view of women before in the Old Testament, the primary position of the woman was within the context of family life. The father/husband exercised primary responsibility for the female members of the family which included slaves. The most important function of women in primitive society was childbearing. Childlessness was looked upon as a curse from God and a diminishing of a woman’s station in life. This was their primary role that why women were often uneducated and untrained. Women relied on their fathers, brothers, and husbands for provision and protection.
Those who were unmarried were often subjected to prostitution and slavery. Because of significant difference between the number of men and women, many women can be left in an undesirable situation. That’s why during that time people were polygamous. Polygamous meaning having more than one wife. A man would take multiple wives and serve as the provider and protector of all of them. This was not the ideal situation but living in a polygamist household was far better than for women to be in prostitution, slavery, or starvation. Aside from the protection/provision factor, polygamy enabled a much faster expansion of humanity, fulfilling God’s command to “be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth”
In the new testament, Jesus gives a new commandment: Love one another.
1 Peter 3:7 – You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
Jesus gave no exceptions. We are commanded to love all: man, woman, & child. Paul also commanded men to love their wives as Jesus loved the church and gave himself for her. Plus we would also see in the New Testament that it is commanded that a husband is to be a head of the wife not the head of different wives.
Ephesians 5:23 – For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
This seemed like a shift of perspective in terms of marriage but actually nothing has changed as all. Even in the beginning of time, the design of God is for one man and one woman to be joined together. God permitting pologamy in the Old Testament because of cultural implications haven’t really changed how God wanted it in the beginning. So the New Testaments was just hammering and realigning the design of marriage to how it really should be.
That’s why men should learn to love their wives and be faithful to one alone. Even if we are not yet married, we should practice faithfulness in our relationships. This is a character that we want to bring to our future marriage someday if we are single. If men really want to learn how to act appropriate among women and how to treat them with respect, here are 2 practical things for guys to do:
1) Renew your mind to think differently.
It starts with the mind. You will act according to what you know. Your behaviour will be affected according to what you put in your mind. If you know about gravity then you will not jumping off a building, right? That’s why is important for us to guard our minds and heart and renew your thinking not to conform to the pattern of this world.
Romans 12:1-2 – Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
This is saying that because of what God has done for you, offering your body to him. He has justified you. He has made you righteousness because of Jesus Christ. He has freedom you from sin and He has given you ife in the Power of the Holy Spirit. He has shown you mercy. And because of these things offering your bodies. Your “bodies” does not mean just your hands, or just your eyes or just your feet. It is reffering to everything you are. Everything includes your heart and mind. When you offer yourself, you become that living sacrifice – something that is seen in action and something that people can relate to. You are being the light of the world.
Do not be conformed, but be transformed in the renewing of your mind, which is not a single event but a process. It is daily renewing of your mind. It is daily pondering of God’s truth
So stop filling your mind with dirt. If your playlist has songs that calls women “bitches or whores” it needs to be deleted immediately. It’s offensive to women and treats them as a commodity. Women should be mad if their man is listening to this type of music.
If you are filling your mind with pornography, slowly your mind is being taught that a real body isn’t good enough or one body isn’t good enough. Eventually it will lead you to be convince that your wife’s body isn’t good enough. Pornography deadens a man’s appetite for a real woman.
Renew your mind to think different. Renew it through spending time in God’s word.
2) Make up your mind to behave differently.
This is now where you decide that you want to make up your mind to think differently. You need to be the person you are looking, for is looking for. What does that mean? If you have qualities that you want in a certain partner, ensure that is you as well. That you would mean, rather than looking for a partner, prepare to be the best partner someday. Show love to people close to you. Do random acts of kindness. Treat your family members right and practice unconditional love to them. Learn how to develop the right kind of people through them
Make up your mind to think different. Decide right now to develop yourself to be the ideal partner for someone someday and fill your mind with the word of God
Again, this is not just an message for men but there are also two practical things woman can do to help men treat them well and not a commodity.
1) Dress moderately
Women, men needs your help on this. If you do not want to be treated as a commodity then show yourself as someone that should be treated with love and respect.
1 Timothy 2:9 – Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments,
2) Find contentment in God
Don’t go looking for a relationship by luring men. If you have develop yourself as someone who is attractive inside and out, naturally the opposite sex will notice you. But do not make it a pursuit of your life. Find your all in God first.
In the End, you don’t have to search the world or the internet to know who to act towards the opposite sex. All you need to know is what God is saying in his world. You cannot do what you do not know. If we want to remove all those wrong ideas, belief and thinking which leads to wrong actions, we need to continuously meditate and read God’s word. If we constantly read and meditate on God’s word, eventually our mind will clear-up just like this dirty water which eventually turned clear, as water continuously was poured into it.
Note from the author: This message was adopted from Northpoint Community Church, which is the church Pastored by Andy Stanley. Most of the content is from Andy Stanley’s material.