I tried. I tried separating myself but my shadow still follows me. I tried outrunning it but it was still there. I don’t know what to do. How can I separate myself from the shadow that still follows me?
We have that part of ourselves were we try to constantly change and improve. We have that dark side (that shadow) that seems to follows us because of our past. We know that we are a new creation because of Jesus Christ but still, we see bits and pieces of our old self. It frustrates us. It discourages us when we feel we gave so much effort already but it’s still not enough – I still can’t seem to overcome this struggle.
As I continue my reflection on Hebrews 12, I want to focus more on verses 4 to 13 where the book is talking about God disciplining His children. When we hear the word discipline we immediately draw the conclusion that we might have done something wrong that’s why we are being discipline. But the discipline that is being talked about in Hebrews 12 is related to hardship, as verse 7 stated “endure hardship as discipline”.
Therefore with whatever hardship and trial we encounter that can be considered as God’s discipline. But Hebrews 12 doesn’t pin point hardship as discipline only without any reason why we are experiencing it. The answer is in verse 6, 10 and 11. We experience this hardship (discipline) because God loves us and wants what is good for us. The good that He wants for us is not necessarily how we envision it: a good job, a car, a house or even a relationship. He has always been more concerned with our character. That is why in verse 10 mentions about us sharing in His holiness and in verse 11 about us having a harvest of righteousness as a result of the discipline.
My shadow (struggle), which I have been trying to separate myself from, is part of my hardship. I can decide to be frustrated and quit trying to be a better person or I can look at it differently. I choose to respond properly. I hold on to his word that this hardship is because he loves me and he wants the best in me. He has been working in my life and continues to. He continues to push me to become a better person, man, and leader. I want to embrace that. I want to grow and produce a harvest of righteousness in it.
I pray that if you are going through hardship as well, you will find peace in Hebrews 12:4-13. I pray that together we will be able to say.
I will strengthen my feeble arms and week knees. I will make level paths for my feet (a response to verse 12 and 13).