I saw today what was really hidden within my heart. It was just buried within the busyness of my ministry and work. It has always been there – the longing to be in a relationship was always there.
Now that’s not bad. In fact, it’s normal to want to have a close relationship with someone or to want to be loved by someone. But what was not right for me, was to see myself blaming God when I didn’t get what I want because of that desire.
I might have wanted it my way. I might have wanted it now. I might have wanted her alone. I might have just wanted it badly. And when I don’t get what I want – I point the finger at God. I asked, “Why won’t you just give me what I want?” “Why can’t you just bless this area of my life?” “Why are you not answering this desire in my heart?”
I thought he wasn’t answering most of the things I wanted – but He reminded me that mostly, He actually did. It just may have not been during the time I wanted it or how I wanted it. I’m writing this entry to list down all the desires I (remember) had that He answered and maybe someday, I might need to take a look at this again to remind myself about the goodness of the Lord.
I remember really desiring to be a dean’s lister in my last semester in College and to my surprise He gave it. I don’t even know how I got it.
I remember a relationship I really wanted to be restored and have again. The break-up of that relationship paved the way for me to be back to God and when I was stable with my walk with God – I asked Him to allow me to correct my mistakes and restore the relationship. And He did, He allowed me to experience a good relationship with the same girl for a couple of years, even though it still resulted in a final break-up.
I remember really desiring, praying and aiming to be a manager by the age of 25. My career flew by so fast and I had yearly promotions. After working for more than just two years He already allowed me to manage a team.
With just a few things I looked back upon, I saw once again that the desires of my heart are important to Him. I was so focused on the here and now that I forgot the past things He has done for me. I really feel ashamed. But I know I can’t dwell on this too much. Grace will still always take me through. It’s the only thing that can give me hope – that despite me forgetting the work He has done in my life – He will always love me and be faithful to me. What a great God we serve!
We just need to take the time to look back. Do you remember a time where God answered your desire or prayer?