Things are just going by so fast and I know I have been so busy these past months that I haven’t been able to write an entry. I know I promise I would continue my moving on series and I feel it’s just appropriate to launch this new entry during Valentines.
Today is also known as single-awareness day and I hope that whatever you are planning to do today, It is something that will be glorifying to the Lord and will reflect His love for us. But if you’re not planning to do anything tonight, then just read along and let me share with you how the Lord has really guided me on moving on from a failed relationship.
I wrote in the first part of my series that I was surprised but happy to know that my past girlfriend was already in a relationship. We’ve known each other for more than 10 years and a lot was really expected from us. We broke up November 2011 (I can’t honestly remember the exact date) and you can just imagine the kind of pain that we both felt. We were even planning to get married May 2012 but somehow we both knew that it was just not meant to be. To answer how I was able to “feel” that it was not meant to be will require another entry. But for now, I just want to briefly walk you through how I was able to move on. Honestly, whenever I look back, I can only say one thing – I was only able to recover through the grace of God. As cliché as it may sound, I know the Lord is the only reason why I was able to move on. Yes, it took time and there are certain principles I want to share but I cannot hide the fact that the Lord played a big part in this.
If you are coming from a recent break up, I hope these three principles will help you how to move on after a break up.
1. Spend time with the Lord – Pray
First of all, I hope that your break up was mutual and free of bitterness and anger. If you are harbouring these types of emotions, you really need to deal with it with the Lord. There can be a lot of reasons why you guys broke up. I may not be able to list down all the possible reasons but I know somehow, deep inside you know why. The first step is really just coming to the Lord in prayer. Whatever you are feeling, whatever you are going through, don’t be afraid to approach the Lord and allow Him to comfort you. If you have questions regarding what happened, then ask Him. You’ll be surprised to know that the Lord will answer you. But be ready because you may not like what the answer would be.
I cannot count how many times I have approached the Lord in prayer broken hearted, in pain and depressed. These were moments when I felt so close to the Lord and so close to His heart. Sometimes I feel as if all my tears are being collected to someday show me that indeed my pain was always heard and felt. And that the Lord will deliver someday. Take hold of Psalm 34:18.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
In your brokenness, approach the Lord and just be honest about what you feel. He wants to hear from you and give you comfort, that someday you will be given the courage to able to comfort others as well. Just like what I am hoping to do in this entry.
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God - 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
2. Separate yourself from the other person completely
When we broke up, we never communicated again. I know that it may sound harsh but I believe this move really helped fast track the process. Don’t get me wrong, I have no anger towards her when we broke up. I believe it was mutual that’s why it is important to consider the first point above everything else. If you can totally cut off the communication, the better. Try removing everything that reminds you of the past. If you need to unfriend the person – then do it. Some of your friends may react and disagree with your decision, but you need to help yourself this time and not be focused on their opinions. Because if you haven’t really separated yourself from the person, there’s the danger that you will always want to continue to be part of his or her life. You’ll always want to know everything that is happening to him or her. This will not help you move on because it will just create a fantasy world where you feel you are still connected and in touch. You need to face reality. You need to be strong to move on.
3. Surround yourself with people
This is one of the best advices I have heard because you will feel really lonely once you go through a break up. There will always be that part of you that will feel you’ve lost something. The best way to counter this emotion is to surround yourself with people, but please take note that you are to surround yourself with the right group of people. Surround yourself with people who will draw you closer to the Lord. Look for people who will encourage you and be there for you. Spend time with them in gatherings or fellowship in church. Don’t go to parties or clubs to entertain yourself and try to fill the emptiness that you feel inside. After the parties, you will just go home and start to feel that emptiness again. This is why it’s important that you surround yourself with people who love the Lord and will draw you closer to the Lord. Because the Lord is the only person who can fill the void that you are feeling. Allow God’s love to fill you and restore you. Allow God to be your one and only love. You need people to help you focus on that truth during this stage in your life.
Going through a break up is really not an easy process. Again, only through the grace of God will the process be an amazing experience. I honestly cannot assure that these three principles is the sure formula to move on. But if there was one thing I can assure you, it’s this. If you take each step at a time with the Lord, it is possible to move on. The Lord wants to fill the void that you are feeling and he wants to fill it with His love.
Are you going through the moving on process right now? I would love to hear from you and maybe even give some advice. Happy Valentine’s Day.