Take Time to remember the Goodness of the Lord

I saw today what was really hidden within my heart. It was just buried within the busyness of my ministry and work. It has always been there – the longing to be in a relationship was always there.

Now that’s not bad. In fact, it’s normal to want to have a close relationship with someone or to want to be loved by someone. But what was not right for me, was to see myself blaming God when I didn’t get what I want because of that desire.

I might have wanted it my way. I might have wanted it now. I might have wanted her alone. I might have just wanted it badly. And when I don’t get what I want – I point the finger at God. I asked, “Why won’t you just give me what I want?” “Why can’t you just bless this area of my life?” “Why are you not answering this desire in my heart?”

I thought he wasn’t answering most of the things I wanted – but He reminded me that mostly, He actually did. It just may have not been during the time I wanted it or how I wanted it. I’m writing this entry to list down all the desires I (remember) had that He answered and maybe someday, I might need to take a look at this again to remind myself about the goodness of the Lord.

I remember really desiring to be a dean’s lister in my last semester in College and to my surprise He gave it. I don’t even know how I got it.

I remember a relationship I really wanted to be restored and have again. The break-up of that relationship paved the way for me to be back to God and when I was stable with my walk with God – I asked Him to allow me to correct my mistakes and restore the relationship. And He did, He allowed me to experience a good relationship with the same girl for a couple of years, even though it still resulted in a final break-up.

I remember really desiring, praying and aiming to be a manager by the age of 25. My career flew by so fast and I had yearly promotions. After working for more than just two years He already allowed me to manage a team.

With just a few things I looked back upon, I saw once again that the desires of my heart are important to Him. I was so focused on the here and now that I forgot the past things He has done for me. I really feel ashamed. But I know I can’t dwell on this too much. Grace will still always take me through. It’s the only thing that can give me hope – that despite me forgetting the work He has done in my life – He will always love me and be faithful to me. What a great God we serve!

We just need to take the time to look back. Do you remember a time where God answered your desire or prayer?

The Shadow I want to Run away from

I tried. I tried separating myself but my shadow still follows me. I tried outrunning it but it was still there. I don’t know what to do. How can I separate myself from the shadow that still follows me?

We have that part of ourselves were we try to constantly change and improve. We have that dark side (that shadow) that seems to follows us because of our past. We know that we are a new creation because of Jesus Christ but still, we see bits and pieces of our old self. It frustrates us. It discourages us when we feel we gave so much effort already but it’s still not enough – I still can’t seem to overcome this struggle.

As I continue my reflection on Hebrews 12, I want to focus more on verses 4 to 13 where the book is talking about God disciplining His children. When we hear the word discipline we immediately draw the conclusion that we might have done something wrong that’s why we are being discipline. But the discipline that is being talked about in Hebrews 12 is related to hardship, as verse 7 stated “endure hardship as discipline”.

Therefore with whatever hardship and trial we encounter that can be considered as God’s discipline. But Hebrews 12 doesn’t pin point hardship as discipline only without any reason why we are experiencing it. The answer is in verse 6, 10 and 11. We experience this hardship (discipline) because God loves us and wants what is good for us. The good that He wants for us is not necessarily how we envision it: a good job, a car, a house or even a relationship. He has always been more concerned with our character. That is why in verse 10 mentions about us sharing in His holiness and in verse 11 about us having a harvest of righteousness as a result of the discipline.

My shadow (struggle), which I have been trying to separate myself from, is part of my hardship. I can decide to be frustrated and quit trying to be a better person or I can look at it differently. I choose to respond properly. I hold on to his word that this hardship is because he loves me and he wants the best in me. He has been working in my life and continues to. He continues to push me to become a better person, man, and leader. I want to embrace that. I want to grow and produce a harvest of righteousness in it.

I pray that if you are going through hardship as well, you will find peace in Hebrews 12:4-13. I pray that together we will be able to say.

I will strengthen my feeble arms and week knees. I will make level paths for my feet  (a response to verse 12 and 13).

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