I saw today what was really hidden within my heart. It was just buried within the busyness of my ministry and work. It has always been there – the longing to be in a relationship was always there.
Now that’s not bad. In fact, it’s normal to want to have a close relationship with someone or to want to be loved by someone. But what was not right for me, was to see myself blaming God when I didn’t get what I want because of that desire.
I might have wanted it my way. I might have wanted it now. I might have wanted her alone. I might have just wanted it badly. And when I don’t get what I want – I point the finger at God. I asked, “Why won’t you just give me what I want?” “Why can’t you just bless this area of my life?” “Why are you not answering this desire in my heart?”
I thought he wasn’t answering most of the things I wanted – but He reminded me that mostly, He actually did. It just may have not been during the time I wanted it or how I wanted it. I’m writing this entry to list down all the desires I (remember) had that He answered and maybe someday, I might need to take a look at this again to remind myself about the goodness of the Lord.
I remember really desiring to be a dean’s lister in my last semester in College and to my surprise He gave it. I don’t even know how I got it.
I remember a relationship I really wanted to be restored and have again. The break-up of that relationship paved the way for me to be back to God and when I was stable with my walk with God – I asked Him to allow me to correct my mistakes and restore the relationship. And He did, He allowed me to experience a good relationship with the same girl for a couple of years, even though it still resulted in a final break-up.
I remember really desiring, praying and aiming to be a manager by the age of 25. My career flew by so fast and I had yearly promotions. After working for more than just two years He already allowed me to manage a team.
With just a few things I looked back upon, I saw once again that the desires of my heart are important to Him. I was so focused on the here and now that I forgot the past things He has done for me. I really feel ashamed. But I know I can’t dwell on this too much. Grace will still always take me through. It’s the only thing that can give me hope – that despite me forgetting the work He has done in my life – He will always love me and be faithful to me. What a great God we serve!
We just need to take the time to look back. Do you remember a time where God answered your desire or prayer?
Have you ever felt your heart beat so fast it feels as if you’re going to explode? No, I’m not talking about being attracted to a person that your heart beats faster every time you see him or her. Although that can be a good topic to talk about (Suddenly day dreaming…) but I’m not going to dwelling on that subject right now. I’m talking about a situation where you are under pressure, stress, or in fear. It can be a situation where you’re so scared to fail – so scared to make a wrong decision that it might have a gruesome effect in your life. This is a time where you are gripped with the fear of decision making.
I have. And it made me question myself: “why am I afraid to fail or make the wrong choice?” Am I afraid to suddenly realize that I am not that strong as I thought I am? Do I really believe not matter what happens, God works all things for good? Am I scared to suddenly see that this great wall that I thought I built around myself is really nothing more than just a wooden fence? Or I just want to breeze through life without any complications, without any hardship and it’s all supposed to be smooth and wonderful. But let’s face it, life is really a roller coaster ride. You will have your ups and downs. You will make wrong decisions. You will, at times, fail. You will, at times, succeed.
I realized it’s all a matter of perspective – where you put your focus to. We can go all day thinking what right decisions to make or always be careful not to fail. But we if put our focus to the object of our faith – Jesus Christ – it doesn’t really matter if you fail, succeed, make the right decision or make the wrong one because at the end of it He will love you the same.
That’s the whole point of this entry. We don’t need to be scared of what life has to offer. Because if we put our faith and trust in our Lord Jesus Christ we know that no matter what happens – whether if it’s a result of our wrong decision – everything will be for our good because He loves us. God is gracious. He can even turn those wrong decisions around for our good. He is faithful. We just need to focus on Him alone.
I like to think, and that mostly involves imagining or dreaming about things. I can put my think cap on and just ignore everything else around me. Which gave people the notion that I am a snob or an arrogant person because I just don’t notice them – I hope they do get over that assumption because I’m not. I plan and think things ahead but there is a verse that makes me realize that I will not be able to think about everything!
20 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, 21 to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)
This is the ending statement Paul had for one of his letters. And I just want to take note of how he ended it by describing God as someone who can do things far more than what we can imagine or think about. This makes me excited for a lot of things! I have so many plans and things that I want to do. But with this verse it gives me hope that with all the possible good things we have planned, God has more things planned for me. The things he has planned for you and me are exciting because I can’t even write what they might be because it’s unimaginable right now – more than we could imagine. And I know His plans deeply rooted on the foundation that he loves me far more than I can comprehend as well (Ephesians 3:19).
As I start this blog (previously I used a tumblr blog), push-on with my ministry, and start a new journey in my career – I hold on to his word. I really will not be able to imagine where he will take me in the take couple of months or years but I know it will be exciting!